


like trying to hold water

by diminishedmercury



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Background Pallura, M/M, Post Season 6, matt is So Heartbroken, mattador
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-25 07:45:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14972402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diminishedmercury/pseuds/diminishedmercury
Summary: Loving Lotor was like trying to hold water— he could hold onto him for only so long before he was slipping through his fingertips.OR: Matt deals with the aftermath of the season 6 reveals.





	like trying to hold water

He's staring down at his hands in the small pool of water, but he falters when he moves to splash the cool water on his face. He wants to cry again, his eyes already red-rimmed and puffy eyed. He closes his eyes and luckily he doesn't feel the sting that foreshadows the tears he'd been crying since Katie had given him the news. He cups his hands together, taking a steadying breath, and pulls them closer to his face. But he doesn't splash the water over his face _—_ he stares down at the pool of water that's now in his hands, watches as it trickles out of the lines of his fingers. He wishes he could just hold on to it. He wishes that he could hold on to  _something_ _._ if he can't hold on to Lotor. But no, the water flows and with it, he feels hot beads of liquid glide down his cheeks for the third time that day.

He doesn't have time to linger on these thoughts or emotions— Voltron will be here soon and he's meant to gather supplies and join them on their journey back to Earth. He could (not) do that. He drops the water back into the basin that serves as his sink here with the rebels. He leans heavily against it now, squeezing his eyes closed once more with a harsh breath of air sucked in through his nose, biting at his bottom lip. He loves him, but he knows that he can't. He misses him, but he knows that he shouldn't. He mourns him, but he knows that he mustn't.

He choking back sobs, and barely manages to pull himself together before there's a knock at his door and a voice telling him Voltron has arrived. He needs to go now. He knows he does. He has to put on his big boy pants and face the fact that his boyfriend turned out to be a genocide idealist with a god complex (and was the most sincere connection to another being Matt has ever experienced) and that he would be going back to Earth with Katie and no Lotor to introduce to Mom.

He tells himself that he's okay just introducing one of Mom's future in-laws. He tells himself that he doesn't ache at the thought of Allura laughing with his family and kissing Katie goodnight. He tells himself that it's okay that Lotor will never know the warmth of his mother's hugs or the delicious apple pies she would have baked him. He tells himself that it's okay that he won't ever feel a warm and heavy hand on his hip ever again. He tells himself that he'll be okay watching everyone else be so in love while he's so broken on the inside.

He pushes the thoughts away— Voltron was here. He needed to help them. He would help them. He could deal with himself later.

Later, when everyone is asleep in the extra rooms the rebels have to spare, Katie asks him how he's feeling.

"Like I'm trying to hold water." She doesn't ask for a better explanation. He doesn't offer one.

**Author's Note:**

> So... I couldn't get this image out of my head after listening to "mizu" by Sophia Black!  
> So have a quick drabble as my return to writing, yea?


End file.
